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Cracked Up

Title: Cracked Up
Author: auntmo9
Rating: PG-13 for language
Warnings: Discussions of fan-fiction tropes such as mpreg and angels laying eggs; angelic disrespect for parental authority figures.
Spoilers: One brief mention of events from 6.12 Like a Virgin, but basically an AU crack fic so as long as you know who Gabriel is, you are good to go.
Characters: Gabriel, Sam, Dean, Castiel
Genre: Gen, Crack/Humor
Word Count: 1,349
Disclaimers: I do not own Supernatural or anything else hinted at herein. I am only playing with them for my own enjoyment, and maybe yours.
Summary: Gabriel's discovery of fan-fiction leads to an egg-cellent prank if he does say so himself. Dean would hardly agree.

A/N: Written in response to meh_forget_it‘s fic Meet Derek, my three-eyed, seventeen toed miracle child in which Gabriel discovers the fan-fiction tropes of mpreg and angels laying eggs and proceeds to torment the boys with it. In addition to that, please consider that this also has my own added head cannon that Gabriel is responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs, thanks to works from goldenusagi’s Banter Verse and Gabriel one-shots like According to Plan.

ETA: Thanks for help from tari_roo andnovakev for the beta work. All mistakes are mine.(I really shouldn't answer the phone for work when I am trying to post.I almost forgot to mention their invaluable help.)

"Are you okay, Dean? You're looking a little pale there," Sam observed as he looked up over his laptop.

His older brother rubbed his belly from his prone position on the bed before emitting a long burp. "It must have been that last cheeseburger back at the diner. One too many, eh?"

"It could be the morning sickness finally kicking in," Gabriel said flatly from the other bed in the room, not bothering to look up from the Doctor Sexy marathon that was currently showing on cable at the motel they were using as their base.

"Morning sickness, yeah sure," Dean mumbled into the pillow before abruptly sitting up. "Wait, WHAT!?"

“I believe Gabriel is referring the nauseated feeling most human females experience during the first trimester of gestation,” Castiel supplied. “Though seeing that you are not a woman, I find it unlikely that you could be experiencing anything other than the indigestion you previously alluded to.”

"When has a little something like gender ever stopped me before?” Gabriel snorted as all eyes turned to him warily. "It was that whole talk we had about fan-fiction and angels laying eggs. It gave me ideas.”

“You’ve been reading fan-fiction again?” Sam squeaked as he gripped his laptop tightly. “I don’t want to salt and burn my new computer like the last time you were trolling online.”

“I was not trolling,” Gabriel shot back , throwing down his remote in order to fluff the pillows that were propping him up. “All of my feedback was constructive and beneficial to the authors of those stories.”

“I do not believe samlicker81 felt that way,” Cas interjected. “Her reply to you clearly indicated that she believed you to be a flamer who rose up from the bowels of the pit in an attempt to drown out the truth.”

“I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to point out that Dean’s true soul mate is his car and not his brother,” Gabriel chuckled. “Anyway, that whole discussion got me to thinking…”

“Like you actually think about anything,” Dean muttered as he rolled off the bed and began to pace back and forth.

Gabriel’s gaze narrowed in on Dean. “Actually, hot-shot, I do. I thought how I would like to see someone lay an egg, but there's was no way I am going to do it. My svelte figure can’t afford to carry all that extra weight. I figured Sam here would have all kinds of room in that Gigantor body of his to house an egg, but then I remembered how much I like to annoy you and the decision was made.”

"So you put your egg inside of Dean? Dean and you...are going to have a kid?" Sam asked incredulously. Sam's look of confusion did not go unnoticed by the angel. Dean's sputtering in the background, however, did.

"Don't you worry one little bit about becoming an uncle, Sammy. It's not Dean’s kid in that egg. Dad knows, your brother isn’t any more ready join a Mommy & Me group than I am to give up candy.”

“Then what is in the egg, brother?” Cas asked with curiosity as he stepped cautiously toward Dean. The angel stared intently at Dean's midsection for several seconds then gingerly reached out to touch it before the hunter caught on to what he was doing a swatted his hand away as he jumped back. Turing his attention back to his own older brother, Cas continued, “What exactly did you do to Dean?”

“It’s really his own fault,” the archangel said, feigning innocence. “Dean is the one that pointed out the connection between our wings, birds and laying eggs. It made me think about other winged creatures that Dad has whipped up in the past that lay eggs and before I knew it I was reminiscing about my teenage rebellion.”

Realization dawned on both Cas and Sam’s face at the same time.

“You didn’t!” Sam huffed out in annoyance, pushing away from the table as he moved to stand over the archangel.

“Of course, I did,” Gabriel answered with a wave of his hand. “Would I pass up an opportunity to stick your brother with Barney, especially when doing so means I can make up for the transgressions of my youth? Now move along Sammykins. We aren't outside right now, so I don't need the shade and you are blocking the TV right about the time we're going to find out that Doctor Ellen Piccolo is in the same condition as your brother. Well, minus the reptile egg, of course."”

Dean quickly turned his attention back to the group. He had been standing in front of the mirror, where he had lifted his shirt in order to thoroughly inspect himself for any signs of any egg. And no, he most definitely had not rubbed his belly like a pregnant chick. “Someone needs to explain to me what this candy- ass is talking about,” Dean growled.

“Gabriel has managed to implant a dinosaur egg within your abdominal cavity,” Cas answered. “He thinks doing so will make up for the fact that he is responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs in his misspent youth.”

"You...you mean I am nothing more than a glorified incubator for Godzilla?!" Dean managed to shout as he tried to push past Cas and his brother to get to the archangel.

“The hell, Gabriel?” Sam yelled as he forced Dean back until he was able to sit him down in the chair. “Why would you do something like that?”

“I told you. I wanted to see someone lay an egg and I am not going to do it,” the archangel answered simply as if it explained everything.

“But a dinosaur? Inside of Dean? You couldn’t just make one of those stories you read become a show in your TV land and watch it happen that way?” Sam asked and immediately regretted even opening his mouth. The look Dean shot him said it all. The ‘did you really have give him more ideas, Sammy?’ stayed plastered on his brother's face for several minutes.

“Oh, puh-lease,” Gabriel said with a roll of his eyes. “TV land is not the same as real life. I want to be up close and personal when your brother lays the egg, which by the way is going to be my pet. I already have a name picked out for him and everything. I am going to call him Dean-o the Dinosaur.”

“No, it’s not going to be your freaking pet. Because I am ganking the thing as soon as I get this egg out of me,” Dean ground out. Turning to the other angel in the room he pleaded, “Cas, get this egg out of me. Now!”

“Sure you are,” Gabriel snickered as he snapped up a bag of M & M's. “This from Dean the Mighty Dragonslayer who pulled the sword from the stone with what was that now…oh yeah, explosives. Besides, no one is going to hurt the baby dinosaur.  I owe it to Dad after what I did to all of the others.”

“Our Father has never said you owe him anything,” Cas pointed out as he move to Dean's side. Cas placed both of his hands on Dean's stomach but before he removed the egg, he once again was caught up in the wonder of life growing inside of his friend. He began to kneel in awe but caught the glare coming from Dean and quickly backed away.

“No, he just gets all Chuck Heston coming down from Mt. Sinai anytime anyone brings up the subject of dinosaurs," Gabriel continued. "I mean, I couldn’t even watch Land of the Lost without him getting bent out of shape.”

Dean stared at Gabriel, forgetting for a moment that there was a dinosaur egg inside of him courtesy of the Trickster. “The TV show or the Will Farrell movie?”

“Either. But you can’t really blame him when it came to the movie, can you?”

“Wait a minute,” Sam said with confusion “God watches television?”

“You have no idea,” Gabriel responded with laughter.


( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 17th, 2012 01:56 am (UTC)
Haha, this is wonderful. I just love that Gabriel has no problem being mean to Dean for his own amusement, and that everyone else is pissed but also kind of used to it. It's a very nice call back to the wonderfully nasty Trickster. And Gabriel leaving Becky feedback? Amazing.
Jan. 17th, 2012 02:08 am (UTC)
Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it!

Of course Gabriel has no problem being mean to Dean. I don't think he has a problem being mean to anyone for his own amusement and he won't ever totally give up the Trickster part of himself. :D
Jan. 17th, 2012 04:03 am (UTC)
Gabriel's voice is perfect in this piece! I just love how he goes on and on about how he just wanted to watch someone lay an egg! And Natch it wasn't going to be himself!
Jan. 17th, 2012 02:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I am glad you liked it!
Jan. 17th, 2012 10:24 am (UTC)
well done, dear Mo. Well done!

Ah, Gabriel, you crack me up no end.
Jan. 17th, 2012 02:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for your help! And I am glad you enjoyed it!

Gabriel does have that effect on people, doesn't he?
Jan. 17th, 2012 02:58 pm (UTC)
“I was not trolling,” Gabriel shot back , throwing down his remote in order to fluff the pillows that were propping him up. “All of my feedback was constructive and beneficial to the authors of those stories.”

You were so trolling, Gabriel!
Jan. 17th, 2012 03:22 pm (UTC)
Of course he was trolling! It one of his favorite pastimes when he isn't watching TV of bugging the crap out of the Winchesters!
Jan. 17th, 2012 06:31 pm (UTC)
*snickers* This was amusing when you first mentioned it in those comments. That you went away and wrote more? Awesome. *grins* I'm now wondering what kind of dinosaur it's going to be and my geeky child side of me is praying for a velociraptor... *snort* Brilliant fic!! I recced it on my LJ!
Jan. 17th, 2012 06:44 pm (UTC)
My brain couldn't let it go. It was one of those rare things where the ideas kept coming. I even had one idea that didn't make it in, where Cas asks him how he did it and Gabriel says "Well I tell you one thing; I didn't resort to pulling the DNA from a mosquito fossil."
Jan. 17th, 2012 06:44 pm (UTC)
And thanks for the rec!
Jan. 20th, 2012 04:57 am (UTC)
Oh God, I couldn't stop laughing - I freaking LOVE IT! Gabriel the troll makes my life worthwhile :D
Jan. 20th, 2012 01:57 pm (UTC)
I am glad I could make you laugh.

And we all know Gabriel would be trolling in his 'free' time!:D
Jan. 24th, 2012 10:10 am (UTC)
Hahahahaha, I hope Gabriel took it out of Dean soon. I'm glad you continue the universe of golden_usagi.
Jan. 24th, 2012 01:14 pm (UTC)
Glad you liked it! I am not sure what happens next....poor Dean (hahaha!)

And it is not an exact continuation, but more of a play off of what she started.
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 24th, 2012 01:43 am (UTC)
Thank you!

I guess you will have to imagine Dean laying that egg!
Feb. 24th, 2012 02:58 am (UTC)
bahahaha mpreg crack! Poor Dean. I can tell Gabriel's your favorite, because he is spot on. And SamLicker81 reference for the win :)
Feb. 24th, 2012 03:01 am (UTC)
Thank you! He is my favorite, but sometimes it is hard having an archangel/trickster living in your head. lol!
Feb. 24th, 2012 08:28 am (UTC)
What??? No-oo-oo! It can't end like that! Would Gabe let Cas remove the dino egg without zapping Cas into TV Land? Plus I wanted to see exactly *how* that egg was coming out, and then I wanted to have Gabe say something like "Hmm, didn't think that one through." Of course, I haven't read any angel-laying-eggs fic, so what do I know? Overall I thought it was a cracktastic read. :) Especially the part where Gabriel is responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs.
Feb. 24th, 2012 01:18 pm (UTC)
Now see, I was inspired to write this from reading two other people's work (like the extinction of dinosaurs totally came from goldenusagi), so you can either imagine how the egg comes out of Dean, or continue it yourself by writing it!

I am glad you enjoyed it though! Thanks!
Feb. 25th, 2012 07:38 am (UTC)
Yeah, but it's much *easier* to read it, than to write it! LOL

I'm going to have to read those other two stories to see where the inspiration for your story came from.

(Deleted comment)
Feb. 25th, 2012 02:07 pm (UTC)
Dean is not going to let Gabriel keep the dinosaur; he is responsible for their extinction! But Gabriel is going to annoy Dean to no end about it!

And I love that moment, too, of Cas being in awe!

I am glad you enjoyed it!
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )


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Melissa (Mo)

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